i was thinking about
the decline of human civilization
while i was eating pop tarts

they’re called pop tarts
because that’s short for
popular tarts

but anyway, like i was saying

why do people say that, anyway?
“like i was saying”
why don’t they just say it already?

you don’t have to tell me
you’re going to say it.
i’ll know you’re going to say it
after you’ve already said it.

i don’t need to know about
future things you haven’t said yet.
you just tell me what you want to tell me
and i’ll hear it directly.
i don’t want to hear about it as a sort of prophecy of statements to come.
that’s so forced.

and that’s my whole point, i guess, really.
i don’t like when people say
“like i was saying,”
because it’s forced.

it probably wasn’t something
that anyone wanted to hear about.
clearly, the topic had shifted,
but there were some things left unsaid,
and by golly, you’re going to make sure
i hear it, whether i like it or not.

well, not this time, bub!
yeah, i call people bub
when i’m feeling passionate in a situation. what of it?

i don’t even know why i say it.
i didn’t always.
i just said it one day,
and i kept on saying it ever since.

no one likes that i say it.
it hasn’t helped me win any arguments.
it hasn’t helped me make any new friends,
that’s for sure.
i don’t even enjoy saying it.

but anyway, where was i?
and that’s another one.
the old, “where was i?”
do you really not know?!

why am i listening to you
if you don’t know what you’re talking about? i’m supposed to make sense
of this gibberish?
how do you expect me
to decode this poorly thought out riddle?
well, i won’t do it!

it’s a waste of my time and energy.
and it’s rude!

someone has given you their attention
and you’re wasting time babbling on
about who knows what.
you could let me speak, for once.
but no!

you just keep saying any random thought
that comes into your mind
until you’ve completely forgotten
the entire point.

you know what it is?
it’s that by the time you’ve said,
“where was i,”
it’s already too late.

you’ve gone way too far.
you’ve lost your place,
and you’re just realizing it.

ive definitely noticed it way before you.
to be honest,
ive probably tuned you out altogether.

you’re rambling on simultaneously
about nothing and everything,
meanwhile, i’m staring into space daydreaming about winning
an imaginary argument in my head.

and you know who i’m arguing with?
you!

maybe some people will let you
waste their time, but not me.
if you’re not going to think
about what you’re saying,
there is no point in me listening.

but i digress.
and i say that to say this.
where was i?
oh yeah
like i was saying.