1. |
I Complain
02:44
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ooh woo ooh ooh
i wake up in the morning
i make a cup of coffee
that’s way too strong
i complain about the weather
i complain about whatever
the hell i want
i get up early
just to seize the day
i seize the day
with constant complaining
ooh woo ooh ooh
i hate being a starving artist
but i don’t wanna get a real job
they’re such a drag
and i hate going to parties
cause all my friends are morons
i hate their guts
i love complaining
when things do not go my way
but i’ll still complain
when everything is a-okay
ooh woo ooh ooh
i complain about everything
i complain about complaining
oh my god
nothing makes me happy
like complaining does
i wish that i was happier
it sucks that i can’t
complain even more
ooh woo ooh ooh
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2. |
Cat On My Lap
02:22
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i don’t think i’m going out tonight
oh no
something else came up
and it took me by surprise
i’m gonna cancel all my plans
this is goodbye
oh yeah
something tells me
it’s gonna be a while
i’ve got a cat
i’ve got a cat on my lap
i’m losing track of time
but i think it’s been a week
and now
the feeling in my legs
is a distant memory
i can not move
i can not eat
i can only sleep
oh no
my cat is in control
and my future’s looking bleak
i’ve got a cat
i’ve got a cat on my lap
oh no!
why are you here?
i can’t move
i’m frozen with fear
i’ve got a cat
i’ve got a cat on my lap
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3. |
This Is Art Rock
02:27
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this is art rock
this is art
this is art rock
this is art
this is art rock
this is art
this is art rock
and this is a fart
is this new wave or no wave?
who’s to say?
is it grunge? is it shoegaze?
is it cliche?
is this new wave or no wave?
who’s to say?
either way
but would i listen to it?
no way
this is art rock
this is art
is this art rock?
is this art?
is this art rock?
is this art
is the song over?
when does it start?
is this new wave or no wave?
who’s to say?
is it grunge? is it shoegaze?
is it cliche?
is this new wave or no wave?
who’s to say?
either way
but would i listen to it?
no way
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4. |
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i spent the whole day trying to
send a text message to you
i dialed all the numbers right
but it still did not go through
maybe you were not at home
cause the only thing that i did wrong
was i used a rotary phone
should i not have done that?
i guess you can’t do that
i watch silent films
with closed captions on
i take sleeping pills
at the crack of dawn
am i doing this wrong?
i spent the whole entire day
trying to send an email to you
i typed your email address just right
queefmaster69 at yahoo
maybe it was marked as spam
or maybe you don’t give a damn
that the keys on my typewriter got jammed
now i need a repairman
a typewriter repairman
do they still have those?
i guess i’ll look in the phone book
i watch silent films
with closed captions on
i take sleeping pills
at the crack of dawn
am i doing this wrong?
oh no, i think i’m doing this wrong?
i tried to have a conversation
in real life…
but i can’t do it
how the hell do you do that?
i never wanna do it
please don’t put me through that
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5. |
Indigestion Stomp
02:09
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(belch)
indigestion
upset stomach
heartburn
gerd
indigestion
(belch)
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6. |
Are You Sniffing Glue?
02:26
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i have been told
that i need a lobotomy
but that don’t stop you
from ever loving me
you complete me
without you i am empty
i’m such a jerk
that’s why i don’t have any friends
so what’s wrong with you?
are you sniffing glue?
i’m in love with you
but why the hell do you love me too?
i’m the worst
and somehow that makes you much worse
your doctor seems to think
you need psycho therapy
but i don’t care what they say
i love your negativity
you’re always right
i know because you always tell me
we both love dogs
more than we like human beings
what’s wrong with me and you?
are we sniffing glue?
i’m in love with you
and somehow you love me too
we’re the worst
and that is why our relationship works
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7. |
My Cat Hates Me
02:33
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i’ve got a cat
i love her so much, yeah
but my cat hates my guts now
i thought i’d win her over
if i only showed her
love and affection
but all i got from her was
scratch marks on my face
and a broken heart
from the rejection
cause my cat hates me
she only loves me when she needs me
if i was dead she would eat me
if she could
i know that she would
me and my cat
we do so much stuff, yeah
she loves to ignore me
i like to pretend she adores me
and when i get too close
she always lets me know it
she’s great at communication
her claws are tiny swords
they slice me and they dice me
it serves me right i guess
my cat hates me
she only loves me when she needs me
we get along when she’s sleeping
when she’s awake
i’m always bleeding
my cat hates me
so loving her isn’t easy
i am allergic so i’m sneezing
all through the day
and all of the night
how the hell did this
become my life?
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8. |
Love Is Like A Simile
02:45
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sometimes love is like a simile
but nothing else compares
so maybe that’s not right
on second thought
maybe love is a metaphor
but no one ever said
metaphors are always good
sometimes the fruit of love
is rotten to the core
relationships are all about give and take
so you’ve got to give up
and just take what you can get
they say relationships are a two way street
but sometimes it feels more like
a five way intersection
with broken stop lights
love can be the greatest hyperbole
it is just the worst
your heart has just been cursed
and the spell will not be broken until you die
relationships are all about give and take
so you’ve got to give up
and just take what you can get
they say relationships are a two way street
but sometimes it feels more like
a five way intersection
with broken stop lights
don’t get mad
that still makes you
the light of my life
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9. |
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gibberish sounds so delicious
it always seems so deep
with nonsense i’m so prolific
even when it has no meaning at all
i don’t know what im saying, no
in fact nobody does
i order the soup of the day
in the middle of the night
there’s a fly in my soup
and there’s a hair in my fly
so let them eat cake
i know who let the dogs out
but their secret is safe
at least for now
i made a grand entrance
for an exit interview
and then i refused to leave
it’s a race against time
being slow and steady
makes you fashionably late
i can bend over backwards now
til i’m all bent out of shape
i just bit my tongue again
when i choked on the words i ate
but that goes without saying
you can run around in circles
but you cannot reinvent the wheel
you can feel how you’ve changed
but you can’t change how you feel
unless you do drugs
a new york minute
is just like a regular one
except angrier and mean
i can bend over backwards now
til i’m all bent out of shape
i just bit my tongue again
when i choked on the words i ate
but that goes without saying
gibberish sounds so delicious
it always seems so deep
with nonsense i’m so prolific
even when it has no meaning at all
i don’t know what im saying, no
in fact nobody does
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10. |
Fuck Off, Respectfully
02:15
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oh hey!
look what the cat dragged in
after all this time
you’re back again
looking for a friend
your friend doesn’t live here anymore
may i interest you in the door?
and don’t come back no more
do you think i care how you have been?
cause i have been holding grudges
for longer than we’ve been friends
do you think i’m wishing you the best?
cause you could be face down
in a ditch for all that i care
eat shit
you are dead to me
fuck off
respectfully
i wasn’t bitter anymore
but since you asked
blow your bullshit apology out your ass
it’s too long overdue
does brett know that
you’ve come crawling back?
i heard you fucked him over too
and that’s such good news
cause that guy is a motherfucker
and i love when my enemies
are all out to get each other
do you think i’m wishing you the best?
cause i have been burning bridges
for longer than we’ve been friends
shut up
when you speak to me
eat shit
you are dead to me
fuck off
respectfully
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11. |
Noise Pollution Number 9
06:44
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