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the future is now
no wait
ok now

two weeks from today
i was thinking about time travel

it seems like only yesterday
today was tomorrow

and one day
someday will be today

but i don’t even know what day it is anymore
because recently i was in a discount store
and i saw an irregular time machine

it was slightly imperfect
so the price was marked down
but for a limited time only

i wanted to use my time machine
to try to win the lottery
but since this time machine was defective
i could only travel to the future
one second at a time
so it took me forever to get there

i wasn’t able go back in time
to play the winning lottery numbers
so instead i went to the future
and tried to guess

then i went to a bookie
to place bets against myself
i kept betting that i would lose the lottery
but i guessed the numbers correctly
every single time
i won a fortune
then i lost it all

just my luck

i forgot to check
while i was there but
i hope that in the future
they invent prosthetic upper lips
for people with mustaches
who also want to wear disguises

mustaches are like bangs
for your lips


from I Can't Believe It's Not Better, released June 4, 2021
written and performed by Anthony Kapfer


all rights reserved



Anthony Kapfer New York, New York

Anthony Kapfer is a musician and comedian. He often performs live as a one man band. His music has been compared to They Might Be Giants mixed with The Pixies & Flight of the Conchords. Anthony spent all of 2019 on a headlining tour across the country.

Anthony Kapfer is the star of the film MUTE DATE, and appears in the films Ramekin, and Shredder, which are all recommended films on Amazon Prime
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