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The Ballad of Matthew Ussia

by Anthony Kapfer

fan club exclusive


this is a song i wrote about my friend matthew whose name looks hard to pronounce when you first read it


matthew dude
your last name starts with a "u"
i have no clue how to pronounce it
what the hell do i call you?

your last name is a real tongue twister
it’s gonna give my mouth blisters
so how about instead
i just call you mister?
mister matthew

i can not be certain
but i’m starting to think
you made your name
hard to say on purpose
i’m so afraid to get it wrong
even thinking about it makes me nervous
i’m talking about your last name now
your middle name does not concern us
sir your surname is so peculiar
that you might as well
just join the circus

so don't you dare give me no lip service

tell me how do you say your name?
it’s starting to drive me insane
i need to know right away
please confirm


released July 27, 2021
written and performed by anthony kapfer


all rights reserved



Anthony Kapfer New York, New York

Anthony Kapfer is a musician and comedian. He often performs live as a one man band. His music has been compared to They Might Be Giants mixed with The Pixies & Flight of the Conchords. Anthony spent all of 2019 on a headlining tour across the country.

Anthony Kapfer is the star of the film MUTE DATE, and appears in the films Ramekin, and Shredder, which are all recommended films on Amazon Prime
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