We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Songs For Children To Cry To

by Anthony Kapfer

  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

    You own this


A is for apples they are delicious and they're also very good for you B is for balloons at your birthday party that was a good one, everybody danced C is for cookies, they are so tasty but they are just a sometimes snack D is for divorce that your parents filed for D is for divorce they don't love each other anymore E is for every time you are with them all they do is fight and fight all day F's the frustration that you are feeling 'cause the pain inside wont go away G is for the good times that are over things are different, now you have two homes D is for divorce they might say it's not your fault D is for divorce but you'll never really know for sure weekend comes and dad is home but it's just for visitation he takes you back to his new bachelor pad and cries his eyes out on the couch 'cause mom has got a new boyfriend and you can call him dad if you want and we sing La la la la la, la la la la La la la la D is for Divorce
sometimes strangers talk to you you might not know what to do remember the words i’m telling you some strangers they might want you for your organs they might seem friendly and nice they might be very polite so please please take this free advice it’s so important please protect you organs it’s not your fault some strangers are bad they’ll tell you what you wanna hear and you’ll walk up without kidneys anymore it's like they walked right out the door those kidneys are never coming back i know you must be pretty scared going out into the world but you should be fully prepared to fight for your right to keep those organs so when a stranger talks to you what is the safest thing to do? assume that he wants to hurt you he’ll turn you inside out on the black market it’s no secret some people are bad they’ll offer you some candy bars and you’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice you sold your kidney for a candy bar i hope you were not too attached some strangers they might want you for your organs you’re much more of a target if you’re an orphan some strangers they might want you for your organs those healthy organs 'cause when you’re sold for parts you’re worth a fortune
there's one thing that you must realize everybody dies, everybody dies we are born and then we live our lives and then my friend you die, everybody dies one day you will die, everybody dies
your goldfish is not in heaven religion says they’ve got no souls no they got no soul so where do dead fish go now well i don’t want to sound suspicious but i don’t think your goldfish was religious so i don’t think your goldfish is in heaven but you can go and ask the reverend your goldfish is not in heaven religion says they’ve got no souls you flush those sins with fins right down the toilet they will go to a better place no one does
One Day 01:37
one day your parents will get old and you might put them in a home what will that decision be like? sending them away and after all they've done for you one day your parents will be dead and you will have to bury them what do you think that will be like living without them while their bodies rot beneath the ground? one day you might outlive your friends one day everything will end
you are mothers little mistake you weren’t meant to be in this world things were really grand without you and then there came some unexpected news when you were inside her womb do you think she cried? maybe she had second thoughts but it was too late and then you came around you are mothers greatest mistake one that she is proud to have made nonetheless you’re still a mistake and nothing can ever take that away when she looks into your eyes does it make her sad? does she think about the day she wished you away but you still came to be you are mothers little mistake
adoption kid get over it it doesn't matter it's in the past you can't change it mother loved you so much that she gave you up maybe you're lucky maybe you're much better off you live with a a complete stranger called mom you also live with a guy who's not your dad maybe they love you like you were their own but you'll never know 'cause they'd never tell if they don't adoption blues weighs in on you no one to love you the way a real mother can no one to talk to nobody understands what does it feel like to be unwanted and unloved? somewhere in the world a some stranger is your real mom you’ve never met the dude who is your actual dad maybe one day you will meet them both for lunch and just to be nice they’ll politely say “this was fun we should keep in touch.”
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I got something to say to you life is full of disappointment no matter what you do 'cause life is hard and if you're smart you will know you wont amount to much so few people ever do what makes you think that you're so special too? you're really not that special you're just you
the fairytales your parents tell are lies the real endings are scary and grotesque they would make you scream until you cry and you would toss and turn all night in bed and they all lived happily ever after is a lie 'cause they all died sad and alone that’s the truth one day you will be dead too real life is oh so sad the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep when you are old and frail and life has left you miserable and weak and they all lived happily ever after is a myth 'cause they all just withered away in a hospital bed surrounded by family and friends you might be afraid of the boogey man but that is something you should never fear 'cause real life is much worse a blessing and a curse as fast as it comes it disappears and they all lived happily ever is a joke and we’re laughing all the way to the grave everyday until we all just fade away realistically ever after
there is no Santa Claus there is no Santa Claus, it's true but this is between me and you your parents lie to you they want you to be good all year so they make up some stuff about... some old man who's watching you when they're not there and that's the truth ask them if they feel bad for looking you right in the eyes and spewing out these silly lies they must think you're pretty dumb to really fall for that believing there's a creepy old guy watching you in bed and if that were the case, wouldn't they keep him far from you? would they let him in your house, and serve him cookies too? no old man is watching you your parents buy all of your gifts so who's that guy? at the mall? you sat on his lap and told him what you want he's just some guy who doesn't care he probably hates kids and hates his stupid job there is no Santa Claus there is no Santa Claus, it's true but this is between me and you your parents lie to you they want you to be good all year and if you're good they'll buy you toys they buy your love they buy your love there is no Santa Claus it's true


a kid's album


released December 3, 2021

all songs written by anthony kapfer

anthony kapfer - vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keyboards, programming, tambourine, bottle of pills

ricky wells - guitars, bass

spiff wiegand - accordion, trumpet, saxophone, glockenspiel, strings, backing vocals, laughter

produced, mixed, and mastered by anthony kapfer

save me from this music (ASCAP)
copyright 20121 planet apartment! records


all rights reserved



Anthony Kapfer Los Angeles, California

Anthony Kapfer is a musician and comedian. He often performs live as a one man band. His music has been compared to They Might Be Giants mixed with The Pixies & Flight of the Conchords. Anthony spent all of 2019 on a headlining tour across the country.

Anthony Kapfer is the star of the film MUTE DATE, and appears in the films Ramekin, and Shredder, which are all recommended films on Amazon Prime
... more

contact / help

Contact Anthony Kapfer

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account