Songs For Children To Cry To

by Anthony Kapfer

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1.
There Is No Santa Claus There is no Santa Claus There is no Santa Claus, it's true But this is between me and you Your parents lie to you They want you to be good all year So they make up some stuff about... Some old man Who's watching you When they're not there And that's the truth Ask them if they feel bad For looking you right in the eyes And spewing out these silly lies They must think you're pretty dumb to really fall for that Believing there's a creepy old guy watching you in bed And if that were the case, wouldn't they keep him far from you? Would they let him in your house, and serve him cookies too? No old man Is watching you Your parents buy All of your gifts So who's that guy? At the mall? You sat on his lap And told him what you want He's just some guy Who doesn't care He probably hates kids And hates his stupid job There is no Santa Claus There is no Santa Claus, it's true But this is between me and you Your parents lie to you They want you to be good all year And if you're good they'll buy you toys They buy your love They buy your love There is no Santa Claus it's true
2.
D Is For Divorce A is for apples they are delicious And they're also very good for you B is for balloons at your birthday party That was a good one, everybody danced C is for cookies, they are so tasty But they are just a sometimes snack D is for divorce That your parents filed for D is for divorce They don't love each other anymore E is for every time you are with them All they do is fight and fight all day F's the frustration that you are feeling Cause the pain inside wont go away G is for the good times that are over Things are different, now you have two homes D is for divorce That your parents filed for D is for divorce They don't love each other anymore D is for divorce They might say it's not your fault D is for divorce But you'll never really know for sure Weekend comes And Dad is home But it's just for visitation He takes you back to His new bachelor pad And cries his eyes out on the couch Cause mom has got A new boyfriend And you can call him dad if you want And we sing La la la la la, la la la la la La la la la la la la la la
3.
Some Strangers Might Want You For Your Organs Sometimes strangers talk to you You might not know what to do Please hear the words I'm telling you Some strangers they might want you for your organs They might seem friendly and nice They might be very polite Please please take this free advice Some strangers they might want you for your organs It's not your fault Some strangers are bad They'll tell you what you want to hear And you'll wake up without kidneys anymore I know you might be pretty scared Going out into the world You should be fully prepared Some strangers they might want you for your organs So when a stranger talks to you What is the safest thing to do? Assume that he wants to hurt you Some strangers they might want you for your organs It's no secret Some people are bad They'll offer you some candy bars And you'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice Some strangers they might want you for your organs Some strangers they might want you for your organs Some strangers they might want you for your organs Those healthy organs Some strangers they might want you for your organs
4.
But Then You Grow Up Hey kids won't you gather round I'm going to sit you down and tell you 'Bout a couple things that I think you should know You want to be the president Or you will be an astronaut, I bet You wanna be a big big big star Cause when you're young the future looks so bright You can do anything you like to do The sky's the limit and time is on your side But then you grow up And you live in a van Guess you should have stayed in school back then So kids you just never know There's so many different ways that things can go And you don't really have much control You can be successful and rich Or you can end up face down in a ditch And that's just how the story goes Cause life is what happens to you While you're busy making other plans And life doesn't care what you have planned But then you grow up And you live in a van Guess you should have stayed in school back then We're all just wasting life That much I know We're all just ticking time away We're all just chasing lies That much is true Until we all just fade away credits
5.
Mother's Little Mistake You are mother's little mistake You weren't meant to be in this world Things were really grand without you Then there came some unexpected news When you were inside her womb Do you think she cried? Maybe she had second thoughts But it was too late And then you came around You are mother's greatest mistake One that she is proud to have made But none the less you're still a mistake Nothing can ever take that away When she looks into your eyes Does it make her sad? That she can't really tell you how she felt on the day That you came to be
6.
Everybody Dies There's one thing that you must realize Everybody dies, everybody dies We are born and then we live our lives And then my friend you die, everybody dies One day you will die, everybody dies
7.
You Won't Amount To Much A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I got something to say to you Life is full of disappointment no matter what you do Well life is hard and if you're smart You will know you wont amount to much So few people ever do What makes you think that you're so special too? You're parents all tell you lies You work your life away and then you die Monday, Tuesday, pain filled days The Devil tempts in many many ways Well life is hard and if you're smart You will know you wont amount to much So few people ever do What makes you think that you're so special too? Well you're not You're not so special And you're not You're not exempt 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 Not all children go to heaven Well life is hard and if you're smart You will know you wont amount to much So few people ever do What makes you think that you're so special too? What makes you think that you're so special too? You're really not that special That's the truth
8.
It's A Man's World, Little Girl It's a man's world, little girl It's a man's world, little girl And I don't know how to tell you That you won't make the same wage As your male counterpart That's not really fair But that's the way it is It's a man's world, little girl It's a man's world, little girl credits
9.
Your Goldfish Is Not In Heaven Your goldfish is not in heaven Religion says they've got no souls No they've got no souls No they've got no souls Well I don't want to get too heavy So flush if you can hear me Because your goldfish is not in heaven And you can go and ask the Reverend Your goldfish is not in heaven Religion says they've got not souls (no they've got no souls) You flush your little guppy down the toilet It does not go to a better place
10.
Adoption Blues Adoption kid get over it It doesn't matter It's in the past you can't change it Mother loved you so much that she gave you up Maybe you're lucky Maybe you're much better off You live with a complete stranger called Mom You also live with a guy who's not your Dad Maybe they love you like you were their own But you'll never know Cause they'd never tell if they don't Adoption blues weighs in on you No one to love you the way a real mother can No one to talk to Nobody understands What does it feel like to be unwanted and unloved? You live with a complete stranger called Mom You also live with a guy who's not your Dad Maybe they love you like you were their own But you'll never know Cause they'd never tell if they don't
11.
One Day 01:36
One Day One day your parents will get old And you might put them in a home What will that decision be like? Sending them away And after all they've done for you One day your parents will be dead And you will have to bury them What do you think that will be like Living without them While their bodies rot beneath the ground? One day everything will end One day everything will end
12.
Happily Ever After The fairy tales your parents tell are lies The real endings are scary and grotesque They would make you scream until you cry And you would toss and turn all night in bed And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie And they all died sad and alone, is the truth I tell you it's true Real life is oh so sad The best you can hope for is to die in your sleep... When you are old and frail And life has left you miserable and weak And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie And they all died sad and alone, is the truth I tell you it's true You might be afraid of the Boogeyman But that is something you should never fear Cause real life is much worse A blessing and a curse As fast as it comes, it disapears And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie And they all died sad and alone, is the truth I tell you it's true

about

A children's album for adults. Finally a kid's album that tells the truth about life.

credits

released August 13, 2014

Anthony Kapfer - Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keyboards, Programming, Tambourine, Bottle of Pills

Ricky Wells - Guitars, Bass

Spiff Wiegand - Accordion, Trumpet, Saxophone, Glockenspiel, Strings, Backing Vocals

Produced and engineered by A.K.

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Planet Apartment Studios, NYC.

Music and lyrics written by Anthony Kapfer.
Save Me From This Music (ASCAP)
Copyright 2014 Cash Cow Records

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about

Anthony Kapfer New York, New York

Anthony Kapfer is a musician and comedian. He often performs live as a one man band. His music has been compared to They Might Be Giants mixed with The Pixies & Flight of the Conchords. Anthony spent all of 2019 on a headlining tour across the country.

Anthony Kapfer is the star of the film MUTE DATE, and appears in the films Ramekin, and Shredder, which are all recommended films on Amazon Prime
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