1. |
I Need To Wash My Hands
00:59
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i need to wash my hands
so you should wash your hands
let’s all wash our hands once again
before we wash our hands
my hands are dry and cracking
and the skin is coming off
i scrubbed so hard
there’s blood everywhere
so you know what that means...
we need to wash our hands again
make sure to lather your thumbs
and when our hands go numb
that’s half the fun
that’s how we know we’re done
now i need to wash my hands again
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2. |
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i’m a social distancing butterfly
i’ve been training for this moment
for all my life
ever since my exit from the womb
my room has become
my new cocoon
now i have to stay at home
so no one else will die
my antisocial behavior
makes me your guardian and savior
i wear my superhero pj’s
and i make the world a safer place
that’s why i wear a cape
i’m just like batman
but with a much smaller bat cave
i’m saving all your lives
by sleeping half the day
my birthday should be a holiday
that we celebrate with a big parade
but i know i wouldn’t go
but it would just be nice to know
cause i’m a social distancing butterfly
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3. |
Quarantine Blues
01:54
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the whole entire world
has been shut down
i was in heaven on day seven
of not leaving my couch
but having all the time in the world
soon became a living hell
now i’m making deals with the devil
just to leave the house
the only view i have
is a brick wall outside my window
i tried to do a livestream with my friends
but the video froze
i started coming up with names
for each one of my toes
and all i wear is my old halloween costumes
i’ve got a bad case of quarantine blues
it’s just me myself and i
but now three has become a crowd
the voices in my head complain
and talk about themselves
i’ve created multiple personalities
so i’d be entertained
but we do not get along
so now i feel betrayed
i’m losing my mind
cause i’m getting on my nerves
but since i hate myself
i think that is what i deserve
murder would be suicide
but i think that might improve
these terrible quarantine blues
plus there’s nothing else to do
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4. |
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i finally have proof
that the world is full of shit
there’s no more toilet paper
because the idiots are hoarding it
they can stick that toilet paper
where the sun don’t shine
that idiom has never felt
more appropriate
there used to be toilet paper
as far as the eye could see
now when you go to the store
all the shelves are empty
the great toilet paper shortage of 2020
has taught us all that
the world is full of filthy fucking assholes
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5. |
Six Feet Between Us
01:16
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i see you standing way over there
i see you looking at me
but i don’t care
anymore than a look
would be biological warfare
i wish there was another way
but we need to self isolate
so even though your six feet away
you’re still too close to me
i’m sorry dear we’re stuck in quarantine
maybe by next year
there will be a vaccine
we can not risk it
because only famous people get tested
so stay there
don’t you dare make a move
because one plus one equals a group
and now i think you’re less than
six feet away
so get the fuck away from me
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6. |
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i used to play shows every night
but now i’m unemployed instead
cause everything has shut down
to stop the spread of covid
but smash mouth did a concert
they ain’t the sharpest tools in the shed
live performance is dead
don’t you know?
cause rock and roll is non essential
and you can listen to smash mouth at home
but that’s not something i’d recommend
smash mouth is so bad
if you go and see them
you’ll end up dead
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7. |
2020 Is Hindsight
01:02
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they say that hindsight is 20/20
we’ve all had enough
now i think that’s plenty
cause the year 2020 is hindsight
and i know that it’s true
because we relived the 1918 flu
and the rise of fascism
from world war two
and the great depression
and the civil war too
since we are reliving all our glory days
why won’t the president
take a trip to dallas in a motorcade
on a november day
or he could just go see a play
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8. |
Wear A Fucking Mask
00:44
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you’re wrong if you think
not wearing a mask is your god given right
if god were real she’d be considerate
so you should really reconsider it
wear a fucking mask
because your god can not save your ass
so it’s god damn time for you
to give science a chance
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9. |
New Plague
00:47
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there’s a new plague
that’s sweeping the nation
it went worldwide
without a vaccination
so i spent the whole damn year
in quarantine
the second wave just started
or is it the third
well who’s counting?
we’re probably stuck inside
for another year at least
this sucks this was the year
i was supposed to make it
i’m not getting any younger
but i think i can fake it
and that shouldn’t be too hard
since i’m only seventeen
pandemic birthdays
i don’t think that they count
we should not age
and also i think that
my rent should be free
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10. |
¡Adios Muchachos!
01:17
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i forgot how to shake hands i’m sure
you can’t sneeze anywhere no more
but how much more can i endure?
and when will the government find a cure?
i have a bunch of friends who shared
a plate of nachos
so we might as well say adios muchachos
you can wave goodbye and say sayonara
cause i saw somebody cough
in my carbonara
will the virus wipe us all away?
or will it be a hurricane?
there’s a chance of acid rain
california is up in flames again
the future of the world depends
on humans with no common sense
the planet earth will be condemned
remember when we thought
the end of the world would be
a problem for a future generation?
and we did not do a single thing about it
now we’re facing total annihilation
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11. |
I Got Covid Anyway
01:26
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i've been home all year
i only go outside to walk my dog
and sometimes i buy groceries
and i always always wear a mask
i wipe down all my groceries
before i put them away
and i always wash my hands
at least a thousand times a day every day
i don't see my friends
i haven't done any shows
but none of that matters
because i got covid anyway
probably because of some asshole
who didn't want to wear a mask
or someone who wore a mask
with their fucking nose sticking out
or someone who thinks this is all a hoax
whoever you are
wherever you are
i just wanna say
fuck you and thanks a lot
for giving me a deadly disease
when we were so close to having a vaccine
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12. |
Ellen Gave Me Covid
00:19
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ellen degeneres gave me covid-19
she spit in my face
and then she started to scream
ellen is mean
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