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Fuck You, Simon

by Anthony Kapfer

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comedy songs are never really funny i find them to be nothing but a bore you always know just when the joke is coming because the punchlines have to rhyme with the line before this is the part you’re supposed to laugh at hardest but this chorus does nothing but disappoint comedy songs don’t need a second verse now it seems the song has gone on too long so now I’m going to make you sing along this is the part we sing together this is the part we sing
i went on a tv show it was a show that i don’t even like because i thought it might be good to be seen by seven million people but i could not have been more wrong cause simon cowell thinks i suck heidi klum said i suck the lady from modern family hates my guts howie mandel didn’t seem to like me but he didn’t hate me as much as simon did simon cowell really fucking hated me well i hate him too simon fuck you what do you even do? are you good at anything else besides being a fucking prick? simon cowell is there anyone in your life who would say you’re a real nice guy? even your wife can not pretend because she used to be married to your friend until you had sex with her in their bed i guess what i’m saying is you would not do well on a talent show whether you were judged on your ability or character you talentless piece of shit heidi klum your fame has waned your career has seen much better days lady from modern family i don’t even know your name howie mandel you were big in the 80s for putting a rubber glove on your face and blowing air into it that is the funniest thing you’ve ever done simon cowell you can go get fucked heidi klum i think you suck lady from modern family i still don’t even know your name howie mandel you can eat some shit take your rubber glove and choke on it you haven’t been remotely relevant since 1988 none of you have talent so what the hell do you know? americas got more talent than the judges on the show thank you good night


i auditioned for america's got talent. i performed "comedy songs are not funny." the judges did not like it. so i wrote "fuck you, simon" as a response. i don't know if my performance will air, but i'm releasing both songs on the date of the premier of the season of america's got talent that i auditioned for.


released May 31, 2022

all songs written and performed by anthony kapfer
anthony kapfer - vocals, guitars, bass, drums


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Anthony Kapfer Los Angeles, California

Anthony Kapfer is a musician and comedian. He often performs live as a one man band. His music has been compared to They Might Be Giants mixed with The Pixies & Flight of the Conchords. Anthony spent all of 2019 on a headlining tour across the country.

Anthony Kapfer is the star of the film MUTE DATE, and appears in the films Ramekin, and Shredder, which are all recommended films on Amazon Prime
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