Songs For Children To Cry To

by Anthony Kapfer

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about

A children's album for adults. Finally a kid's album that tells the truth about life.

credits

released August 13, 2014

Anthony Kapfer - Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keyboards, Programming, Tambourine, Bottle of Pills

Ricky Wells - Guitars, Bass

Spiff Wiegand - Accordion, Trumpet, Saxophone, Glockenspiel, Strings, Backing Vocals

Produced and engineered by A.K.

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Planet Apartment Studios, NYC.

Music and lyrics written by Anthony Kapfer.
Save Me From This Music (ASCAP)
Copyright 2014 Cash Cow Records

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all rights reserved

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about

Anthony Kapfer New York, New York

Anthony Kapfer is a comedian/musician. He's appeared on the Fox TV show Laughs. He's also been on Sirius XM Radio, channel 99 Raw Dog Comedy.

Anthony Kapfer will appear in “Stereotypically You,” the new film from Red Square Pictures in 2014. It is a comedy starring Abby Elliot (SNL) and Kal Penn (Harold and Kumar).
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Track Name: There Is No Santa Claus
There Is No Santa Claus

There is no Santa Claus
There is no Santa Claus, it's true
But this is between me and you

Your parents lie to you
They want you to be good all year
So they make up some stuff about...

Some old man
Who's watching you
When they're not there
And that's the truth

Ask them if they feel bad
For looking you right in the eyes
And spewing out these silly lies

They must think you're pretty dumb to really fall for that
Believing there's a creepy old guy watching you in bed
And if that were the case, wouldn't they keep him far from you?
Would they let him in your house, and serve him cookies too?

No old man
Is watching you
Your parents buy
All of your gifts
So who's that guy?
At the mall?
You sat on his lap
And told him what you want
He's just some guy
Who doesn't care
He probably hates kids
And hates his stupid job

There is no Santa Claus
There is no Santa Claus, it's true
But this is between me and you

Your parents lie to you
They want you to be good all year
And if you're good they'll buy you toys

They buy your love
They buy your love

There is no Santa Claus it's true
Track Name: D Is For Divorce
D Is For Divorce

A is for apples they are delicious
And they're also very good for you
B is for balloons at your birthday party
That was a good one, everybody danced
C is for cookies, they are so tasty
But they are just a sometimes snack

D is for divorce
That your parents filed for
D is for divorce
They don't love each other anymore

E is for every time you are with them
All they do is fight and fight all day
F's the frustration that you are feeling
Cause the pain inside wont go away
G is for the good times that are over
Things are different, now you have two homes

D is for divorce
That your parents filed for
D is for divorce
They don't love each other anymore
D is for divorce
They might say it's not your fault
D is for divorce
But you'll never really know for sure

Weekend comes
And Dad is home
But it's just for visitation

He takes you back to
His new bachelor pad
And cries his eyes out on the couch

Cause mom has got
A new boyfriend
And you can call him dad if you want

And we sing
La la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
Track Name: Some Strangers Might Want You For Your Organs
Some Strangers Might Want You For Your Organs

Sometimes strangers talk to you
You might not know what to do
Please hear the words I'm telling you
Some strangers they might want you for your organs

They might seem friendly and nice
They might be very polite
Please please take this free advice
Some strangers they might want you for your organs

It's not your fault
Some strangers are bad
They'll tell you what you want to hear
And you'll wake up without kidneys anymore

I know you might be pretty scared
Going out into the world
You should be fully prepared
Some strangers they might want you for your organs

So when a stranger talks to you
What is the safest thing to do?
Assume that he wants to hurt you
Some strangers they might want you for your organs

It's no secret
Some people are bad
They'll offer you some candy bars
And you'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice

Some strangers they might want you for your organs
Some strangers they might want you for your organs
Some strangers they might want you for your organs
Those healthy organs
Some strangers they might want you for your organs
Track Name: But Then You Grow Up
But Then You Grow Up

Hey kids won't you gather round
I'm going to sit you down and tell you
'Bout a couple things that I think you should know

You want to be the president
Or you will be an astronaut, I bet
You wanna be a big big big star

Cause when you're young the future looks so bright
You can do anything you like to do
The sky's the limit and time is on your side

But then you grow up
And you live in a van
Guess you should have stayed in school back then

So kids you just never know
There's so many different ways that things can go
And you don't really have much control

You can be successful and rich
Or you can end up face down in a ditch
And that's just how the story goes

Cause life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans
And life doesn't care what you have planned

But then you grow up
And you live in a van
Guess you should have stayed in school back then

We're all just wasting life
That much I know
We're all just ticking time away

We're all just chasing lies
That much is true
Until we all just fade away
credits
Track Name: Mother's Little Mistake
Mother's Little Mistake

You are mother's little mistake
You weren't meant to be in this world
Things were really grand without you
Then there came some unexpected news

When you were inside her womb
Do you think she cried?
Maybe she had second thoughts
But it was too late
And then you came around

You are mother's greatest mistake
One that she is proud to have made
But none the less you're still a mistake
Nothing can ever take that away

When she looks into your eyes
Does it make her sad?
That she can't really tell you how she felt on the day
That you came to be
Track Name: Everybody Dies
Everybody Dies

There's one thing that you must realize
Everybody dies, everybody dies
We are born and then we live our lives
And then my friend you die, everybody dies
One day you will die, everybody dies
Track Name: You Won't Amount To Much
You Won't Amount To Much

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I got something to say to you
Life is full of disappointment no matter what you do

Well life is hard and if you're smart
You will know you wont amount to much
So few people ever do
What makes you think that you're so special too?

You're parents all tell you lies
You work your life away and then you die
Monday, Tuesday, pain filled days
The Devil tempts in many many ways

Well life is hard and if you're smart
You will know you wont amount to much
So few people ever do
What makes you think that you're so special too?

Well you're not
You're not so special
And you're not
You're not exempt

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Not all children go to heaven

Well life is hard and if you're smart
You will know you wont amount to much
So few people ever do
What makes you think that you're so special too?
What makes you think that you're so special too?
You're really not that special
That's the truth
Track Name: It's A Man's World, Little Girl
It's A Man's World, Little Girl

It's a man's world, little girl
It's a man's world, little girl

And I don't know how to tell you
That you won't make the same wage
As your male counterpart
That's not really fair
But that's the way it is

It's a man's world, little girl
It's a man's world, little girl
credits
Track Name: Your Goldfish Is Not In Heaven
Your Goldfish Is Not In Heaven

Your goldfish is not in heaven
Religion says they've got no souls
No they've got no souls
No they've got no souls

Well I don't want to get too heavy
So flush if you can hear me
Because your goldfish is not in heaven
And you can go and ask the Reverend

Your goldfish is not in heaven
Religion says they've got not souls
(no they've got no souls)
You flush your little guppy down the toilet
It does not go to a better place
Track Name: Adoption Blues
Adoption Blues

Adoption kid get over it
It doesn't matter
It's in the past you can't change it
Mother loved you so much that she gave you up
Maybe you're lucky
Maybe you're much better off

You live with a complete stranger called Mom
You also live with a guy who's not your Dad
Maybe they love you like you were their own
But you'll never know
Cause they'd never tell if they don't

Adoption blues weighs in on you
No one to love you the way a real mother can
No one to talk to
Nobody understands
What does it feel like to be unwanted and unloved?

You live with a complete stranger called Mom
You also live with a guy who's not your Dad
Maybe they love you like you were their own
But you'll never know
Cause they'd never tell if they don't
Track Name: One Day
One Day

One day your parents will get old
And you might put them in a home

What will that decision be like?
Sending them away
And after all they've done for you

One day your parents will be dead
And you will have to bury them

What do you think that will be like
Living without them
While their bodies rot beneath the ground?

One day everything will end
One day everything will end
Track Name: Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After

The fairy tales your parents tell are lies
The real endings are scary and grotesque
They would make you scream until you cry
And you would toss and turn all night in bed

And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie
And they all died sad and alone, is the truth
I tell you it's true

Real life is oh so sad
The best you can hope for is to die in your sleep...
When you are old and frail
And life has left you miserable and weak

And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie
And they all died sad and alone, is the truth
I tell you it's true

You might be afraid of the Boogeyman
But that is something you should never fear
Cause real life is much worse
A blessing and a curse
As fast as it comes, it disapears

And they all lived happily ever after, is a lie
And they all died sad and alone, is the truth
I tell you it's true